


We Need to Talk

by analogical9954



Series: Our Prince Series [8]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Feels, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23290546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/analogical9954/pseuds/analogical9954
Summary: After everything, Virgil finally confronts Logan on their failed relationship in hopes of building it back.  Will Logan still feel the same?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Our Prince Series [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1361659
Comments: 47
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for your continued support of this little series! I will warn you, this is a pretty angsty/sad entry and it will be two parts. Read at your own risk! As always, your thoughts in forms of comments and kudos are always loved and appreciated! ♥

“I can’t do this bullshit anymore,” Virgil groans storming into the bedroom. Logan looks up from his desk, a pencil tucked behind his ear, papers strewn haphazardly everywhere. Technically, Virgil knows—based off the schedule he agreed to two weeks ago—that this is Logan’s time in the room but he doesn’t want to keep living like this. It was hard when they weren’t speaking, even harder when they ended things, but Logan was still willing to share a space with him. Now, it’s the worst it’s ever been and Virgil feels like a car without wheels. It’s time he put his big boy pants on and just deals with it all. No matter how uncomfortable it makes them.

Logan sighs and looks back to his work, the same callousness he’s been displaying these last couple of weeks all over his face. “This is what we agreed upon.”

Virgil won’t be deterred. His heart’s pounding in his chest, his mind racing with all the negative thoughts Dr. Picani said would try to stop him. But he cares too much to give in. He storms over to Logan’s desk, slamming his hand down on Logan’s papers.

“We agreed to no contact after you decided to end our relationship, this is in direct viola—”

“J-just, shut up and listen,” Virgil commands, covering as much of Logan’s work as possible. He needs to get Logan’s attention fully, which is hard considering how he acts like Virgil doesn’t exist. But if there’s anyone who knows how to command Logan’s attention, it’s Mr. R. These past months without Logan forced Virgil to be closer to Mr. R, and as ridiculous as the man is 98% of the time, he really listens to Virgil and gives him semi-passable advice. _Fake it til you make it, mini-emo, confidence always gets their attention._ Now’s the time to fake all the bravado he can.

Logan turns in his chair, crossing his arms annoyedly in front of his chest. He sits up, pin straight, both dark jean covered legs pressed into the floor.

Virgil forces himself to straighten, to look Logan in the eyes for the first time in months. Logan doesn’t back down, staring right back. Eyes, Virgil is so used to seeing love in, now seem to only harbor dislike. It takes everything in him to not break down, despite everything, he loves Logan more than he can ever admit. “We have to talk.”

“The only thing I have to do is attend school so my parents are not imprisoned for neglect,” Logan counters.

“You know what I mean,” Virgil says, “Look, I-I know it’s my fault our relationship ended, ok? I know after my parents kicked me out, I became impossible. I get that. But, you won’t even acknowledge me now? Damn near 10 years of friendship, dating for almost a year of that and…and your dad has to tell me things? You hate me that much?”

“I do not hate you.”

“Really? Because if you didn’t hate me, you wouldn’t act like I don’t exist.”

Logan clears his throat, pulling his glasses off his face. Virgil watches as he lifts his glasses cleaner from the desktop and begins to wipe the lenses. “I do not feel anything towards you. Not like, certainly not love, not dislike or hate. Just indifference.”

Virgil shutters slightly, caught completely off guard. Indifference? In all the scenarios he played out in his mind, he never thought Logan felt nothing. He pulls his hand off the desk, instantly shoving both in his hoodie pockets. The bravado from only a mere minutes ago draining rapidly.

“Based off your silence, I would assume you are surprised. Perhaps, I should clarify. I loved and trusted you more than any other person in my entire life for almost all of those years. Despite how many times foster families and adopted families would throw me away, I always had you. It was comforting. You were someone I believed I could not live without, until you forced me to do otherwise.”

“L…”

Logan puts his glasses back on his face, shaking his head and standing in front of Virgil. “You are correct. You ended our relationship; you chose to remove yourself from my life. I have tried, tirelessly, to repair it but you would not allow me to. You threw me away, just as easily as my prior families. And now, that is uncomfortable for you, you wish to discuss our demise.” Logan scoffs. “You did not seem to care when it was uncomfortable for _me_.”

Virgil has to get a word in. He doesn’t want this to turn into a fight but Logan’s not the only hurt one. “I was going through shit, L,” he hisses, “My parents kicked me out! That’s not something someone just gets over.”

Logan nods. “I know, all too well…”

“No, you don’t!” Virgil counters, his mind finally focusing. He loves Logan, despite his indifference, and he knows Logan does best with all the information, so if this is going to be one of the last times they talk, Virgil’s going to tell him everything. “You have no idea what it’s like for your parents to kick you out because you’re gay. Those assholes that fucked you over…you lived with them at most two years. I lived with mine for 15! I loved them, L. Fuck sakes, I still love them. If Mr. R and Mr. P kicked you out, then yeah, maybe I think you could compare our shitty stories but they’re not the same.”

Virgil watches as Logan takes a couple deep breaths, his eyes closing for a moment. He recognizes the tactics, knows he’s pushed Logan into anger. He’s never been so grateful for Dr. Picani because he’s sure this would turn out to be a nightmare if Logan didn’t learn adequate coping.

“I’m not downplaying what happened to you,” Virgil says softly. Continuing to be so angry with each other is only going to make this harder on both of them, “You’ve been abused in ways I’ll never fully understand not cause I don’t want to but because it’s beyond me, y’know? And I know, I hurt you. I know I was selfish and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I pulled away from you, but I swear to you, on everything, that I never wanted to leave your life. I didn’t want to break up, I didn’t want to close myself off. I just…did it because…if my parents couldn’t love me, how could you love me so deeply?”

Logan opens his eyes and looks at Virgil, a flash of understanding behind his deep blue eyes.

Does that mean Virgil’s honesty is working? He doesn’t have time to deliberate. He just has to keep going. He has to get it all out but it’s almost harder, being this vulnerable, with Logan staring at him.  
“You were—are—the best part of my life. When my parents kicked me out, I kept telling myself I didn’t deserve you. I mean, c’mon, you’re a fucking catch. Handsome, smart, caring, you have pretty cool parents even if I still don’t really get the Sanders Snuggle thing or the pun obsession.” Off track! He’s off track. He shakes his head and drops his eyes, focusing on Logan’s brown shoes.

“Anyway, I thought that breaking up with you was the right thing, that we could be friends because I couldn’t ruin you as badly…” Virgil feels the sadness beginning to take hold, now that the anger’s been expressed and dissipated. It’s overwhelming, really. “Stupid, huh?”

“It definitely is not intelligent.”

Virgil nods. “I know that now. My dumbass needed two months of therapy before I figured that out and by that time…”

“I requested we no longer have contact.”

“Yeah,” Virgil whispers, “And man, I-I…I can’t do it anymore, L. I know you hate me…well, feel nothing for me but god, I love you so much it hurts to fucking breathe sometimes.” Virgil feels the tears begin dripping, watching through blurred vision as they fall to the carpet at his feet. “Y-you don’t have to love me, but…maybe we could work on being friends again?” Virgil can’t believe how desperate he sounds, how drastically everything is from the scenarios he played in his head. “Hell, acquaintances?”

Logan’s silence feels like a sucker punch and Virgil struggles to come up with a way to save them. Maybe, maybe they’re not to be saved. He wipes his face as quickly as he can, hoping Logan doesn’t see, his heart crumbling. Dr. Picani said confronting Logan would be hard, that it wouldn’t feel great but that it would be good in the long run. How could he think this was good?

“Yeah…ok,” Virgil doesn’t look up, just turns and leaves the room. They were truly over. Their friendship, their relationship…everything. All because of him. He ruined them.

Virgil barely makes it to the couch in the living room, before he’s covered his face and is crying as silently as he can manage. He keeps telling himself that it’s ok. That Dr. Picani told him this might happen and that he'll survive it. But right now? Sitting alone in a house that’s not his, with parents that aren’t his, his only friend in the world gone forever, it sure doesn't feel like it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooook, so I know this was gonna be 2 chapters but once I got to writing the Logan/Patton dynamic it took a little detour! Hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the kudoses and comments! It's really been a bright spot, especially now :) Enjoy!

Logan turns the page, his eyes rapidly going over its content, as the beginning of “For the First Time in Forever” plays loudly around him. He sighs, glancing over to see his Papa singing to Virgil, grabbing his arm and yanking him off the couch. Despite the relationship or lack thereof between he and Virgil, his dad insisted on family movie time. Logan protested and is only here because he doesn’t want to cause his parents anymore stress.

He’s well aware that they’re all feeling uncomfortable and he knows he’s making it worse. After all, Virgil extended an olive branch weeks ago but Logan didn’t take it. He just couldn’t. Virgil hurt him in ways he can’t explain, ways he can’t just forgive. But on the other hand, Virgil was going through life altering events. He explained everything and who was Logan to continue to emotionally torture him?  
Logan bites his cheek, grounding his thoughts. He doesn’t want to have this mental argument right now. He tries to go back to reading, Frozen really not all that interesting, but finds himself unable to keep his eyes on his page. Instead, they keep finding their way back to Virgil who’s hesitant at first, but eventually succumbs to the pulling and singing of his Papa. Logan watches, his stomach beginning to hurt as Virgil slowly starts to laugh. His dark eyes beginning to brighten, his cheeks pulling into a small smile as he’s yanked across the living room floor. Logan’s heart thuds loudly in his chest before a soul shattering pain shoots through it. He quickly closes his eyes before slamming his book shut.

“Everything ok, kiddo?”

Logan doesn’t say anything, just leaves the living room as fast as he can. He gets to his room and slams the door. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s feeling. There are days when he’s so angry with Virgil he can’t even stand to look at him. Then there are days when he’s indifferent. Neither of those cause him concern, he’s aware of his anger towards Virgil’s betrayal and it all makes logical sense. But then there are days when he’s filled with an unbearable longing, a deep love and desire to allow him back into his life despite the pain it causes. It’s all so confusing and overwhelming. Logan just needs it to stop.

He presses his forehead against the wood of the door, taking a moment to take a deep breath. Everything inside him is angry. Angry that Virgil seems to be clinging to his papa, angry that his papa can get Virgil to smile in ways Logan’s not seen for months. But he’s also achingly sad. Sad that he’s lost his best friend, sad that he’s sure he loves Virgil but isn’t sure that he could ever trust him again. Confused that all this swirls inside him every moment of every day and he can’t adequately explain it to Dr. Picani who knows something is wrong and who is trying.

That’s not to say his parents aren’t trying, because they are. His dad more so than his papa, though Logan forces himself to understand. But he’s shut them out as well. Hell, he’s shut everyone out. He knows it’s wrong but it’s beyond frustrating for him to know all these things are misfiring and he can’t explain them or find the words to ask for help.

There’s a light knocking on the door, causing him to jump slightly. He takes a step back, already knowing who’s on the other side but he opens it anyway. His dad stands in the hallway, his sky blue eyes tinged in an all too familiar slight darkness. A darkness Logan knows is worry. His cat onesie (only the best onesie for movie night) clinging to him and two cookies in his hand. He looks up at Logan and holds a cookie out.

“I thought we could share a cookie?”

“It is nearly 8pm. I do not want to eat sugar this late. You know that is unhealthy for us both,” Logan says, his dad’s face falling instantly. It makes Logan’s insides hurt even more than they do already so he reaches forward and takes it. He drops his gaze. “I-I apologize.”

“Oh, kiddo, it’s ok. If you don’t want a cookie, you don’t have to have one,” Patton reassures, “It was really just an excuse so I could come check on you. I’m…well, we’re worried.”

Logan can’t stop the sigh before it leaves his mouth. He quickly jams the cookie in his mouth and turns, walking to his bed. His dad follows, shutting the door, and sitting next to him. Logan’s instantly aware of their height difference, the top of his dad’s shoulder lining up with the bottom of his. He knows it’s childish but there’s part of him that wishes he was smaller, like when they first adopted him. It was nice to be enveloped by their hugs, their warmth. It made everything seem ok even when it wasn’t. And if Logan’s honest, right now nothing in his life seems right. He looks at his dad before speaking. “You do not have to be worried. I am fine.”

A sad smile paints itself on his dad’s face as he shakes his head gently. “We both know that’s not true. Dr. Picani…”

Logan looks down at his hands. He’s aware of his failure to his therapist. “I would rather not speak about it.”

“Yeah…of course. But you don’t seem to want to talk about anything with me, or papa,” Patton says softly, “I miss talking to you.”

Logan nods and feels his dad move closer, handing him the second cookie.

“Did I do anything to break your trust?” Patton asks.

Logan picks at the edges of the cookie, shaking his head gently. “Not actively…but you tell Papa everything.”

“I do, but if you want to tell me something you don’t want him to know, then I wouldn’t. It can be a special secret between us.”

Logan looks at his dad, sees the sincerity. He’s been aching to clear the nonsense in his head, to discuss Virgil but he always seems to lose his vocabulary when he tries. After all, Dr. Picani’s been trying for two weeks and Logan still can’t adequately describe his pain.

But…this is his dad. The same dad who knew his needs within minutes of meeting him. Logan still has those frames, unwilling to allow them to be trashed when he grew out of them. The same dad who made Logan feel normal, loved, needed, appreciated despite the land mine that is and was his mental state. The same dad who understood and listened to everything, all the abuse, the neglect, the pain, who absorbed it like a sponge and gave only love in return.

It stands to reason that his dad may be the only one who can understand his internal chaos, who can help quiet the storm within.

Logan breaks the cookie in half, handing it to him but refusing to look him in the eyes. “And you promise not to tell Papa?” Logan knows his Papa loves him but when he hears the darkness, the vile, monstrous things that Logan’s mind’s been spewing…he’ll hate him. Especially now that he and Virgil are so close.

Patton gently takes the cookie, “I promise, kiddo. Whatever you say, stays between me and you.”

Logan nods a couple times, a small tremble making its way up his spine. He quickly eats the cookie, keeping his face down. “You…you will still love me? Even if you disapprove of my feelings and actions?”

“Oh, Logan.”

The bed lifts and before Logan can turn to see his dad missing, he’s bent down in front of him. His hands gently on either side of Logan’s face, forcing him to make eye contact.

“You never have to ask that. Ever. I will love you til the day I die, no matter what you say or do. You’re stuck with me,” he says, “You’re my sun, remember? The center of my universe.”

Logan nods, feeling his dad press a warm kiss to his forehead before sitting back where he was.

“Now, tell me what’s got you so down.”

“It…it is Virgil,” Logan sighs, his hands moving to his legs and picking at his jeans, “I am angry with him. After everything I did, he broke up with me and no matter how many times I tried to approach it with him, he would ignore me. But…Papa? He let Papa in no problem.”

Patton nods but stays silent.

“I am aware that I am not as visually appealing as Papa, but…but Virgil and I were friends long before you adopted me. Why did that not matter? Why did he ignore me and accept Papa so easily?”

Patton takes a breath, glancing up at the hand painted stars. He’s got a feeling Logan’s insecurities are more Virgil directed than Roman directed but either way, he’s got to validate and help him move through these satellite feelings so they could get to the core ones. “Well, first off you are just as handsome, if not even more handsome than Papa so none of that not visually appealing stuff. But, if you’re feeling jealous, you shouldn’t be. Virgil just needs a father figure; it has nothing to do with how handsome Papa is. Besides, we both know Papa’s very magnetic! People are drawn to him. I know I sure was when I met him in college. And you…oh that day we met you in the park, you were instantly taken by him. You held my hand because you didn’t want me to fall, but you talked to him nonstop.” Logan looks at him, doubt in his eyes. Patton smiles softly. “I was jealous but only for a second. I knew Papa and I would offer you different things and you and I would have a special relationship.” He bumps their shoulders. "Virgil's just like every other person we've met."

“But Virgil…Virgil was _my_ _person_. He wasn’t just another person. He knew Papa before, he…” Logan bites the inside of his cheek. He sounds so pathetic. Who felt jealousy over their own father? His heart starts thudding slowly, that familiar sadness and ache returning. “Why am I not enough?” The last sentence is whispered, Logan embarrassed at the truth he’s saying. He’d treated Virgil like crap, of course he's not enough.

He feels his dad’s arm wrap around his shoulders, pulling him down into a warm hug, his head tucked under his dad’s chin. Logan wraps his arms around his dad’s waist, the softness of his cat onesie comforting. He feels his dad begin petting his hair softly.

“You’re enough, kiddo. More than enough…”

No, if he was enough Virgil would’ve confided in him instead of pulling away. He wouldn’t’ve broken up with him and denied him the opportunity to resolve it until Logan’s insecurities turned into anger and then into hate. Until he could no longer get out of his way and made everything worse. If he was enough, he would’ve been a man and let Virgil back in when he bared his soul to him.

Did they stand a chance after both of them messed everything up so royally? Logan glances up at his Dad. His parents had the ideal relationship. Logan can't say he's seen them ever get into a fight they didn't later work through. But maybe, maybe that took time. Maybe when they were young, they fought and acted like he and Virgil had. “Did you and Papa ever breakup?”

“No, but that’s not to say we didn’t get into fights because we totally did and still do,” Patton reassures as much as he can, “But lots of couples break up and get back together. If that’s what you want, I’m sure it’ll happen.”

Logan tightens his arms, shaking his head gently. “Virgil already extended an olive branch, I refused it.”

“You refused my cookies first too,” Patton counters, “Doesn’t mean I’ll stop offering and it doesn’t mean he’ll stop either.”

Logan takes a breath. He’s been skirting around his darker thoughts but his dad said he’d love him no matter what. He needs to say them. “…even if I hate him?”

“Hate’s a strong word, kiddo.”

“I know…it comes in waves. Some days I do not care about him at all. Some days I love and miss him. And some days, I hate him,” Logan explains, “Then I feel guilty for hating him and shutting him out because he too was going through trauma. He did not turn me away when I experience my issues.” Logan lets his eyes slipped closed. “It is all very loud and it is all the time. I wake up with this internal confusion and it just grows louder throughout the day. Sometimes it interferes with my sleep schedule and makes the next day even more trying.”

“Sounds to me like you miss Virgil, but you’re…a little hurt because of how things ended,” Patton says, “Maybe a little sad because the two of you broke up instead of coming together when things were hard.”

Logan nods once. Why weren’t they strong enough to weather these internal storms? Why did they blow apart in the winds? His relationship with Virgil—prior to all this—was the sturdiest of all his relationships. They knew each other the longest, cared for each other no matter what…or at least they did. Logan takes a deep breath. His dad’s right he hates the choices Virgil made, the way they each pulled away, but he doesn’t hate Virgil. He doesn’t think he ever could.

“Do you want to be with him?” Patton asks, keeping his eyes locked on Logan, reading his body language in case he doesn’t speak, “If you could.”

Logan’s not sure. How can you date someone you have such a varied amount of emotions for? Shouldn’t he always love and agree with Virgil? He releases his dad’s waist and sits straight up, his dad’s hand pulling from his hair. His dad and papa rarely fought, and if they did they always made up fairly quickly. Their relationship—to Logan—is perfect and is what he’d hoped to have with Virgil but now that they’ve been broken up for nearly 3 months, nonspeaking for almost a month, there’s just no way. Why should Virgil forgive him? “Yes.” He surprises himself with the shortness of the reply, especially after all his emotional flip-flopping.

“Then I think you should talk to him…”

“But the words fail me,” Logan says quickly, panic bubbling to the surface, “I cannot adequately explain myself to him…I couldn’t to Dr. Picani and…and I barely did for you.” He shakes his head. Talking to Virgil would be the absolute worst idea. He'd only make things worse, if that was possible. He pulls away, sitting up straight, nervously fixing his tie. “Dad, he will not understand.”

“Sometimes that’s the risk you gotta take to get what you want.” Patton grabs his hands gently. “It’s scary. I know.”

“How could you possibly? You and Papa never broke up and acted selfishly the way I have,” Logan retorts.

Patton chuckles lightly. “Maybe not but Papa wasn’t my only boyfriend, kiddo. Though it’s cute you think that.” He practically jumps up, excitement written all over his face. “Come on, how about I drive you and Virgil to the park? You guys can talk it all out and if it goes good—which I know it will—you guys can have a date. The night's gonna be clear, you can take a starlit walk! It'll be great, c'mon, Lolo! One last try, ok?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another installment done! Thank you SO much to all the readers who are taking time to comment and kudos! It seriously lifts my soul. Please enjoy ♥

Virgil takes a deep breath, slowly pushing it out, trying to quell his anxiety. It’s all very strange, Logan and Mr. P coming out of Logan’s bedroom and inviting him to the park. Well, more Mr. P than Logan. In fact, Logan hasn’t spoken to him at all, at the house, in the car, or sitting here on this bench overlooking the lake. They’ve been sitting here for nearly 15 minutes in absolute silence, Logan nervously pretending to fix his tie. Though Virgil wishes he’d just say something. He’s no idea why they’re here, why Logan won’t talk, why he’s so nervous.

“This is awkward,” Virgil says, glancing out at the stars twinkling in the water, “I mean, this is the part in the horror movie where you kill me.”

Logan looks up from his tie in slight confusion. “I would never cause you bodily harm, you must know that.”

“Yeah, L, I do…it was a joke,” Virgil says with a small chuckle. He’s missed talking to Logan, the way he always takes things literally, the deep, soothing tones of his voice. Virgil’s glad to have this moment, no matter how awkward it has been getting to it. Before, he’d be a little annoyed that Logan still—after 10 years—can’t pick up on a joke but now Virgil finds it endearing. Side effect of being in love, he supposes, however one sided it may be.

Logan falls back into silence, causing Virgil to bite his inner lip. What could Logan possibly want to talk about after all this time? After everything, the fights, the breakup, the refusal to acknowledge each other, the decimation of their friendship, what did he want to say that couldn’t be said at the house? That Mr. R seemed in the dark about?

He drags his eyes up from the lake to the actual sky in a sad attempt to find the constellations Logan always pointed out to him. Maybe Logan wants his room back? Maybe he’s tired of being a gentleman and sleeping on the couch so Virgil could have his bed, maybe he’s tired of sharing his home, his parents, his life? “You’re not gonna ask me to move out, are you?”

“No, of course not.”

They go quiet again and Virgil’s anxiety revs up. There’s too many possibilities—none of which he wants to face—and he just needs this torment to end. “Then what’re we doing here?” he asks, trying to hide any tremor. He’s already broken down in front of Logan once, to no avail, he doesn’t want him to think he’s weak if he does it again.

Despite the darkness of the night, the full moon offers enough light for Virgil to see Logan’s face. His brows are drawn together, a slight frown on his face. Clearly, whatever he has to say is not good.

“L?”

“I owe you an apology,” Logan says looking only down at his tie, “For the way I have treated you.”

To say Virgil’s surprised is an understatement. Out of everything he thought would come out of Logan’s mouth, it definitely wasn’t an apology. “Wh…seriously?”

“Yes. The last time we spoke, I acted maliciously towards you when I should not have.”

Oh God. Oh god, Logan’s apologizing. Does that mean they are on their way back to friendship? Or at least to acknowledging each other’s presence? Virgil has to play it cool; he can’t come off like some love sick puppy who’s been secretly dying for this moment. No, absolutely not. He’s not desperate, he’s not. He clears his throat, shrugging, a light breeze blowing around them, forcing him to pull his hoodie closed. “It’s, uh, whatever. I’m just—y’know—glad you’re talking to me again.”

Logan looks at him, finally making eye contact, the guilt blossoming. All this time wasted worrying when Virgil would’ve been so quick to accept him. How could he hurt him that way? “I allowed my feelings, my anger towards your choices to cloud my judgement. I reacted to you poorly and treated you no better than an abuser would his victim. One could argue that is what I am.”

“Whoa,” Virgil says shaking his head, “C’mon man, you’re far from an abuser.”

“Falsehood, I treated you worse than my foster parents did…”

“No, Logan, stop,” Virgil orders, a huff making it’s way out of him, “We both acted like assholes but, that’s like…love or whatever. You’re nothing like those fuckers and you know it.”

“Well, in any regards, I am sorry. And I know it has taken me a while, and I thank you for your patience. But I realized, I do love you despite my previous actions.”

Virgil can’t help the smile that pulls at the corners of his lips. They’d never actually said ‘I love you’ to one another, they’d always meant it but words usually failed them. He reaches over and laces his fingers with Logan’s. He’s not sure where they stand, but Logan’s just admitted he loves him and that’s a vast improvement to where they were just hours ago. Hand holding seems like the next step. Plus, Virgil can’t deny how much he missed holding Logan’s hand. How warm and right it feels.

Logan squeezes his hand tightly, turning his face to the lake. “Virgil, I-I still harbor anger towards the decisions we both made but I am hopeful that we may try again? That I have not soured the feelings you told me about weeks ago. I vow to work on being more understanding and accepting, on being a better boyfriend.” He stops, quickly shifting his gaze to Virgil. “Of course, if I am being presumptuous, then I would be ok with just being friends, or even acquaintances. As much as I harbor anger, I harbor a desire to be in any type of relationship with you. Though, I know—considering how I have been treating you—it is a lot to ask of you.”

Virgil doesn’t think he’s felt overwhelming joy like this ever in his life. His heart thuds happily, his mouth in a full-blown smile. Hell, he can’t even hide the excitement from his voice. “You’re kidding me, right?”

“I am being most sincere. Was that not apparent by my tone?”

“L, I practically begged you like a month ago to just talk to me and you think asking me to take you back is a lot? It’s like the only thing I want. You can ask Mr. R, if you don’t believe me,” Virgil says smiling. Though he notices a small flash in Logan’s eyes before he quickly looks back at the lake and pulls his hand away.

“I know it is…preposterous but…why Papa?” Logan asks his voice nowhere near as confident as it was a moment ago, “Why did you choose to confide in him and…and not me?”

Logan was jealous? Virgil never thought—in a million years—that Logan would be jealous that Virgil had confided in his papa. “You wouldn’t talk to me,” Virgil explains softly, hoping to curb anything that might sour this moment. “And…I don’t know Mr. R told me about his family and I just figured if anyone’d understand it’d be him. I mean Mr. P’s the nicest person on the planet but he’s had like a storybook life so there’s no way he’d understand the shitshow that was and is my life.”

“It was not because he is more physically attractive?”

“L, you thought…” Virgil loses his words. There’s no way Logan thought he wanted Mr. R, there’s just no way. Logan’s smarter than this. But when Virgil looks at him, really looks at him, he can see the insecurity in his moonlit eyes and he feels bad. He’s also realizing what a mess they both are. “You really think you’re not as good as your papa?”

“Have you seen you really examined Papa? He is the walking example of DaVinci’s Vitruvian Man. Tall, dark and handsome. Plus, he is very whimsical and personable,” Logan sighs, “While I am opposite. I may be tall but that is all we have in common. My features are sharper, my eyes smaller and covered with glasses, my skin pale despite some sun exposure. Not to mention, we both know I am not personable and very far from whimsical. Most of the time, no, all of the time I do not mind. I am used to people losing themselves over Papa. But when it comes to you, it is always different. It is selfish, but I find myself wanting to be the only one you think of.”

“You are…”

Logan scoffs. “How could I possibly be? I have not treated you with an ounce of kindness in months. But Papa, he has been considerably kind to you and I know he was your first homosexual crush.”

Virgil feels heat burn on his cheeks. He’d worked so hard to keep that from Logan, despite their friendship, there’s no way he knows that. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never had a crush on Mr. R, he’s ancient.”

“He is only 35, that is far from ancient. And yes, he was. I remember how you would always avoid him and then stare at him. I also remember you constantly asking if he was home when I invited you to come over. You mysteriously came over earlier when Papa was home and…”

“Alright, I got it. You were way more observant than I gave you credit for,” Virgil replies shrugging his shoulders, “And…ok, yeah, for a hot minute, I was into Mr. R but it was literally for like two months and I was over it. I swear it had nothing to do with why I talked to him.”

Logan goes quiet for a moment, Virgil almost able to see the deep thinking he’s doing. This must be truly bothering him or he’s bogged down by more issues he’s yet to share with Virgil. And while that should be worrying to Virgil, it’s not. He’d rather be part of Logan’s life, helping him with them than left out again.

“I believe you,” Logan agrees, “I have already spoken about this to my dad…”

“Oh god, _your dad knows_ I had a crush on your papa?” Virgil groans, bringing a hand over his face in embarrassment. That means Mr. R knows. There’s no way Virgil can look at either one of them in their faces again.

“No, I meant he knows of my concern for your attraction to Papa. He’s reassured me otherwise and I do not know why I chose this moment to bring it to your attention when it is a non-issue,” Logan says, releasing Virgil’s hand and standing, “It is as if I am trying to sabotage us, when all I want is to be in your favor again.” He looks back at him. “I am sorry, Virgil.”

Virgil shrugs and stands, moving up to him. “At least you’re aware of it. I broke us up for the stupidest of reasons.” He grabs his hand, lacing their fingers together, backing up and pulling Logan with him. They could work on these issues later or maybe they could enlist the help of Logan’s dads or Dr. Picani for relationship help. However they chose to work on things, that could wait. Right now, Virgil wants this moment to be happy. They’d both been in emotional purgatory for too long, each cycling through anger, sadness, betrayal almost daily.

But tonight is, finally, the end of that. Them getting back together deserved some sort of celebration, at least for a little while. Virgil just has to convince Logan it’s ok to be happy again. To let the light back in. “L, we’re both…screwed up and we fucked each other over. I don’t know how to fix all our shit but I do know that the sky’s pretty clear and there’s a ton of stars.”

Logan looks up and lets out a small ‘hmm’ in agreement.

“Wanna tell me about them?”

The smile that graces Logan’s face is truly magnificent and it almost takes Virgil’s breath away. Clenching tightly to his hand, Logan begins walking down the path his free hand pointing up towards the shimmering stars. He’s instantly lost in his explanations, stars one of the few subjects that could completely change his entire mindset. Virgil finds himself glancing up, wanting Logan to feel like he’s actually listening to the details, but he can’t seem to keep them there. Instead, he spends most of the walk looking at Logan.

Logan’s not wrong. He’s damaged but so is Virgil and there are times when their broken pieces come to the surface, turning them into their worst selves and creating devastating storms. Before all this, Virgil expected Logan to be his umbrella. To protect him from the whipping rains and howling winds, without even considering whether or not Logan had any holes, whether or not he could withstand the tough times by himself. And when he couldn’t, they blew apart in the winds. It was an unfair expectation, and as strong as Logan was and is, Virgil knows better. For all he knows, they’re in the eye of the storm. The quiet, peacefulness that only lasts for a short period before chaos ensues again. But if they talk to each other, let each other in fully, there’s no reason why they can’t weather the storms— _together_ —as they were always meant to.


End file.
